Alex sat with his eyes closed, doing what Scott had said. Don’t worry about the floor melting. Don’t worry about contaminating the air. Don’t worry about hurting anyone in the apartment with your very presence. It can’t happen. It won’t happen.
Breathe in. It’s pure air. Breathe out. It’s carbon dioxide, just like everyone else.
“I can’t do this,” Alex said for the fifth day in a row.
Scott opened his eyes. “But it took you longer to say that this time around.”
Alex sighed in disgust. He couldn’t stop thinking of what his body was doing. He couldn’t meditate, calm himself down. Even for sleep, always in the back of his mind was how much energy was being wasted to keep the sheets from fraying.
Damon opened his eyes too. “I was just going down the road to my subconscious when you started talking.”
“I’m a distraction,” said Alex, starting to get up.
“Sit down,” said Scott in a gentle but firm voice. “Try it again, and if you can’t do it, then you can leave quietly. Okay?”
Alex sat down again in a lotus position. “Okay.” He closed his eyes again, started breathing slowly.
He found himself following Scott’s rhythm, and then Damon fell into step with them.
I’m going to waste away the wood…let it go.
My pants are too tight…let it go.
I wonder if I’ll ever have sex with any of these guys…let it go.
You gotta hurt before you heal, girl…let it–
The song filled his mind. His mother had loved blues, and she played this song a few times. He didn’t hear the lyrics, but he felt the music. One song after another came to mind, that he found his body rocking slowly to the rhythm. In the silence of the room, he heard guitars singing.
When he came to, the other two were still in their trance. He felt his face. It was wet. Yep, you gotta hurt before you heal. That’s just the way love is.