I never understood why the hero has to save the damsel in distress. Why can’t the girl save the guy?
When I was four, asked that of my mother, the superheroine Ms. American. She laughed and said that men don’t like to be saved. “They like to suffer in their pride.”
I asked my father, too. He saved the damsels a lot of times, and men, too. My father, Brutus, could only smile and say with his Irish accent, “Charity, men’re proud creatures.”
So it was only natural that I inherit my mother’s blond good looks, and my father’s natural power and strength. At four, I could lift the family car. By ten, I could lift a semi full of bricks. At 14, I got a costume and started doing a little bit of work with my mom – nothing dangerous, of course. She would go to the high schools and show off her telepathic abilities, while I tossed cars in the air like basketballs. I decided though, at 18, I wasn’t going to be part of a freakshow. I was going to save men and women in distress.
It so happened that one of my first jobs was to go out to Canada. I had to save some “Steelheads” from VIPER. Derringer snickered at me, but Justiciar gave him a glare that shut him up. “I know you can do this, Lady Hero,” he said, calling me by the name I had chosen as my superhero name. No Ms. No Miss. No Heroine. I was a hero who happened to be a woman.
“I can do it,” I said. Justiciar gave me a comm unit and said, “If you run into any trouble, call for some other heroes. I’m sure they’ll be glad to help.”
I was going to do this on my own, to hell with any hero.
I headed west, past the Rime Woods, into the Massasauga Hills. Why they were so deep into VIPER territory I didn’t ask. I realized that my purple costume stood stark against the white of the snow. Well, there was no help for it, I thought, and walked brazenly down the path.
I’m 18. Invincible. I’m my father’s daughter. I can take anything they throw at me.
Including a VIPER rocket.
It hit me square in the chest, knocking me over and making me roll over, tumbling in the snow. The rocket itself didn’t go off to explode in my face, so I scrambled to get out of its way. Then my head hurt, suddenly and in agony. I remembered to put up the shields that my mom had taught me since before my powers became manifest, and I looked up to see a huge, green…man? staring at me. He was battering down my shields, but I had learned from the best.
With a cry, I got up and tried to run at him, but I had no purchase on the slippery trail, and I fell face-first on the ice.
Rule one: Lose the heels while in Canada.
Of course, they laughed, and of course, I steamed – and I got up again. This time I was standing, and I ran at them, fist connecting into one soldier’s faceplate so hard that it broke his helmet and crunched into his head. My father had taught me how to hit without breaking my own knuckles, and even if I did, it was worth it to not hear them laughing anymore. The big green man tried to buffet me with his mind power, but I punched him hard in the stomach. I felt the ribs give in, and he doubled over. I slammed my fist into the side of his head that he turned to me, and down he went.
The last solider had been shooting at me, but I didn’t feel the bullets. However, when he saw how futile it was, he dropped the gun and ran. He could run faster than I could, and I wasn’t about to chase after him, not wearing these heels.
I headed back to Steelhead to get a better pair of boots. Derringer again smirked at me. “Couldn’t make it out there, could you?” he said.
I glared at him. “I’m in the wrong clothes.” Rule two: Wear all-over tights. This exposed leg and arm was going to give me hypothermia.
“I’m sure we’ve got some extra PRIMUS uniforms in here somewhere.”
“I’ll be fine for now.” I got up, stomped my feet in the two-sizes-too-big boots. Well, I’d have to deal with them. I didn’t look fashionable and hoped nobody with a camera would show up.
I went out of Steelhead and headed back out into the snow. I passed a few of those large green men and avoided them. Then I came upon the fort. I could see one man in a corner, being harassed by three VIPER soldiers. No one else was around. This was my chance!
I jumped down from my perch above and started pummeling the soldiers. In mere minutes, they were on the ground, moaning. I looked up at the Steelhead. We stood there awkwardly looking at each other. Finally, I said, “You’re welcome.”
“Uh. Thanks.”
“What’s the problem?”
“I didn’t expect…someone like you.”
“What? I’m a girl?”
He looked down. “I can make it on my own from here.” He started to take off at a jog. I debated whether to follow him and save him from the big green men out there, but then decided that he probably didn’t want saving from me again.