“Order up, Trish,” Knight yelled as he tucked the order under the plate. He started making the next order of a steak and cheese sub. He finished that and looked up at the window to see that the plate he had put there was still there. “Trish?” he called. “Lilly, order up.”
Lilly, a pretty Chinese girl, came up and got her order. “Where’s Trish?” Knight asked.
Lilly looked around the busy room. “I don’t know, I don’t see her. I’ll take this for her.” She checked the table and brought the plate to it.
Knight frowned, watching her go, but then another order came up and he grabbed that.
A couple of more orders in, and Trish finally returned. Her makeup had been freshly put on, but her eyes were red. Knight leaned on the window and looked out at her as she walked through the pub. Her shoulders were hunched, her head down. When she approached a customer, she plastered a smile on her face that was totally fake.
Lilly came over, and leaned against the window. “I think she finally broke up with that loser creep of a boyfriend,” she said to Knight.
“She had a loser creep of a boyfriend?” Knight asked.
“Twice ex. Always kept coming back,” said Lilly, glancing up at Knight. Something came across her features, a look of worry, and then she walked away from the window. Knight looked confused, and ducked back into the kitchen to start cleaning up some areas. Knight stepped outside when the work was slow, and thought he could hear crying.
He ducked down the alley and saw Trish, a cigarette dangling from her hand, her back against the wall and squatting in her uniform, her butt almost hitting the ground. She hugged her thights to her chest, her forehead on her knees.
“Trish?”
She looked, and stood up, taking a shaky drag from her cigarette, trying to look nonchalant. Her makeup was a mess.
“Wha’cha doin’, cryin’?”
“I’m not crying,” she said with a defiant toss of her head.
“I heard you.”
“How could you hear me all the way over there?
“I got good ears.”
She snorted, put out her cigarette, grinding it under her foot.
“What is it?”
“Nothing. Nothing.” She took out her mirror and started to reapply the makeup. Knight walked away, back to the kitchen, where two orders were waiting.
Later, Knight went down to the cellar and rummaged around among the casks and liquor for some root vegetables for tomorrow. He was starting up the stairs with a fifty-pound bag of potatoes when he heard Lilly say, “It’s for the best.”
Trish answered with a sob in her voice, “But I love him.”
“You can’t love him if he treats you like he does.” Knight froze on the stairs, easily hefting the bag on his shoulder and waiting. “He doesn’t go out to work. He doesn’t do anything.”
“He’s been clean and sober for three months.”
“Because you’re babying him.”
“He’ll go back to drinking.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“Well, no…”
“Then how do you know? Let him prove to you that he’s really clean and sober by staying that way for you for two months without you being there.”
Trish was silent for a minute. “There’s more than that.”
Lilly said quietly, “Oh, no.” When there was no response, Lilly said, “How long?”
“Two months.”
“Oh, God, Trish. Does he..?” Again, no response from Trish. “You should tell him.”
“What if he – “
“What if he what?”
Her voice was very quiet, and Knight almost didn’t hear, “Hits me.”
Knight went rigid and cold. He stared at the door, wanting to stride right through it, find that loser of a boyfriend, and beat the living shit out of him.
Lilly’s voice had an angry tinge to it, “Has he ever?”
“No, but he – he doesn’t want kids.”
“Trish, Trish. You’re having him do things that he never did. You’re imagining what he can do, the worst case scenarios. You really should tell him. That might make him wake up and stay clean and sober for you.”
Trish sniffled, “It’s a ball and chain, he said. He never wanted a ball and chain.”
“But he wants you. And if he wants you, he’s going to get you and a baby.”
“I might not keep it.”
Knight blinked. Didn’t all women want to have a baby?
“Don’t say such stupid things.”
“He doesn’t want it. I don’t want it…not now. I’m still in school.”
“You can give it up for adoption – “
“No, not in this world.”
“You’re not even going to give it a chance?”
“You’re not helping, Lilly! I never should have said anything.” Knight heard her storm away, her heels clattering on the floor. Lilly sighed, and went the other way, shutting the door to the cellar as she went, plunging Knight into blackness. With his cat’s eyes, he could see fine, though, he thought about Lilly saying “You’re not going to give it a chance?”
Knight heard that, and thought of Mal, of how badly he wanted a baby – and Knight wanted a child too. Knight wasn’t even giving it a chance…but now he would. He would happily and proudly, carry their child, their son. He wouldn’t consider it a ball and chain, but something precious and a symbol of their love, more than rings or clothes or jewelry or books.
But Trish didn’t see a child as that. And that made Knight feel pity.