Lyn glanced around the corner to see Mike sitting in the waiting room, absently paging through a golf magazine. “Mike?”
“You had a cancellation,” Mike said, getting up.
Lyn said, “You didn’t cast a spell or something, did you?” A couple of people in the waiting room looked up at that, studying Mike.
“I might have.” Some people looked at each other, then went back to whatever they were doing.
She sighed. “You shouldn’t do that unless it’s an emergency, Mike.”
“This is.”
She escorted him down the hall in silence. He went past her, flopping into the chair as she shut the door.
“I was raped.”
“Recently?” She asked, sitting across from him.
“Six years ago this Christmas.”
She sat, expectantly waiting.
“What do you think about that?”
She turned it on him, “What do you think about it?”
“What do I think about it?” He stared at her incredulously. “I sure as hell didn’t like it.”
She waited.
“You’re not going to ask me about it?”
“You can tell me whatever you’re comfortable telling me.”
“Don’t you want to know?”
“You’ve come here with that statement, Mike. You’re the one who wants to talk about it.”
He frowned. “I thought you ask me questions.”
“Not always, not when it’s something like this. It’s up to you to drive the therapy bus. I just read the signs.”
He sat back, looking disgusted. He looked up at the ceiling and she waited. Finally, he said, “I was at the Pocket D chalet. Have you heard of it?”
“I have, yes.”
“It was the second year they opened it up. I was still with Safe Havens – the first time. I saw Masonry there.” He smiled a bit. “Mase was hot. Tall, dark and handsome. Built like a truck. Strong as an ox. I wanted to get in his pants but I knew he was straight, you know?”
He glanced back at Lyn, his eyes passing over her face and he focused on a point on the corner of her desk as he continued. “So I went over to him. He’d been drinking. He was relaxed. I started flirting with him like I normally do with straight guys, just to get a rise out of them. They usually laugh it off. It was late. The place was empty. Just us. I put my hand on his thigh.”
He sighed, “Then he grabbed my hand and put it on his crotch. ‘Get me hard,’ he said, so I did. Then he just grabbed me and kissed me – he was really rough. I tried to pull away but he was strong, like I said. He shoved me under the table. ‘Suck me off’ he said, and at first I didn’t want to, I didn’t move. I started to undo his jeans, and he kept shoving my face forward. I told him to wait.
“That was the wrong thing to say, because he slid out of the booth, knocking the table over. He made a hell of a noise. Nobody was around. Nobody came to ask what was going on. He grabbed me by my hair and yanked me up. I was going to start a spell, but he punched me in the face. I saw stars, I remember seeing lights. Next thing I know, he had me over a table, my shirt torn from neck to hem. He tied my hands behind my back with the sleeves. He shoved my face into the pool table. He pounded into me – it hurt like hell. He had no lube, and it was raw, bareback. I couldn’t scream.”
Lyn watched as his eyes filled with tears. “That’s a good boy, take it like a man,’ he said. ‘You’re a nice, tight hole,’ he said. He didn’t stop, it hurt, I couldn’t do anything about it. Then he let go, he pulled out, came all over my back. I could feel it. I could hear it. I could hear him, making all kinds of noise. He let me go. He tossed me off the table. he zipped up and left me there. Nobody came. Nobody.”
Lyn passed him a box of Kleenex but he refused, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “How did you get out of what he tied you up in?”
“It was loose. He just bound my arms and was holding onto them while he fucked me.”
“So why didn’t you kill him afterward?”
Suddenly, Mike laughed. “Don’t think I didn’t want to! I thought he would feel sad afterward, and beat himself up. But he didn’t. It’s like nothing happened. He ended up getting a boyfriend, then a girl, then the boyfriend, and he’s been with him ever since. I liked the boyfriend, and the girl, and they liked him. I couldn’t do it.” He sighed. “I brought him back to life, even, thinking that he owed me. He said ‘Thank you’ and left with his boyfriend. Like nothing happened.”
“What did you want him to do?”
“Beg for my forgiveness!” Mike thundered. “He hurt me, and I could have hurt him, for eternity, but I didn’t!”
“Why didn’t you, Mike?”
“I just told you!”
“Why did you like them so much that you would let your torturer, your aggressor, walk freely among the living?”
Mike stared at her. “What are you trying to do to me?”
“You told me you kill people for lesser things than a rape such as this. There’s more to it than your being nice to his lovers.”
Mike looked around the office. Lyn could tell he was frustrated. She tried a different tack. “What brought all this on?”
“I was playing a dom game with a friend of mine. I was the sub. He called me a good boy. The first time it was okay, but then he said it again, in the same tone of voice, the same words that Mase used. It took me back.”
“Was your friend going to hurt you?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Does he want to hurt you?”
“No. He – he knows – he knows I like – ” He got quiet. “I like when someone takes over sometimes. But it scares me. He can use that against me.”
“How?”
“He can start shit. ‘Grim’s a sub.'”
“Who’s Grim?”
He stopped for a minute. “It’s my old name. I was named after a demoness, Grimalkin.”
“Grim has a reputation to keep up. Do you?”
“Do – ” Again he stopped, staring at her. “I’m a mage. I’m a gay mage, yes, but I’m not a total effeminate, limp-wristed ninny.”
“I didn’t think you were. Does being a sub mean you are?”
“There’s connotations.”
“You’re not walking around saying that you’re a sub to anyone who asks, are you?”
“Well, no…”
“And if you admit to yourself that you are, will that turn you into an effeminate, limp-wristed ninny?”
He laughed a little uncomfortably, “No – ”
“Right. That won’t change what you are, and how you present yourself to the world. When you get behind that bedroom door, nobody needs to know what you’re like – nobody but you and/or your partner.” She leveled her gaze at him. “It sounds to me like you don’t trust him enough to play these kinds of games with him.”
“He won’t hurt me. I believe him. He’s not that type. He’s more rough around the edges than I’m used to.” He sighed, “He says that he wants to do things to me, and I admit, I get hot and bothered by it, but I’m scared he will hurt me in the end.”
She sat back. “What do you want to do?”
“Part of me wants him to do what he wants with me. Part of me doesn’t. I want to be true to my boyfriends.”
“Boyfriends?”
“It’s complicated.”
She smiled a bit, leaning back. “I guess so, but we’ll have to leave that for another time.”
“Time already?”
“Pretty close. You’ve been here for a while.”
“Oh. Oh, I didn’t realize it.”
“That’s all right. This was a good session. You haven’t told me what you want to do.”
He looked at her. “I don’t know.”
“Do you like the game?”
“Sometimes.”
“Then remember it’s a game. He’s not going to do what Mase did to you. I’ve heard something about ‘safe words’?”
“Yeah, it’s when you want them to stop. It could be something innocuous like ‘grapefruit’, something you wouldn’t utter in the heat of passion. Because sometimes ‘no’ turns people on more.”
“I understand.”
“But he’s not tying me up or anything – ”
“Mike?” She glanced at something behind him
He looked where she was looking – there was a digital clock saying fifteen minutes left to the hour. “Right.” He got up. “Can I still see you on Friday?”
“If you think you’ll need to.”
“I might.”
Lyn got up and opened the door for him. “Then you can come back on Friday. And no more forcing cancellations, please, Mike?”
He started to the door, “What about your friend? And the tests?”
“We’ll talk about that on Friday.”
“Oh, okay.”
She left the door open as he went down the hallway. She typed up her notes from the session ending with, “This one will be a handful.”
Words, 1532
Finally got Grim’s Rape out on paper.