(in Italian)
3/10/2011 6:58 PM
“You have lovely eyes,” he said, and ran away before I could even respond. The nerve. The man is insufferable!
Why am I so attracted to that?
Do I want to tame the tiger? No. I promised I wouldn’t fight him. Then he comes out with this.
Did he feel the same way? He’s just out to conquer me, because he never did in residency. I’m not going to give him that satisfaction.
3/11/11 12:45 AM
He’s different now. He knew he was a playboy. Now, he wants to take things slow. With me.
My inner self doesn’t believe him. This time, it lies. It works well in my job. It doesn’t work in relationships.
My job is to not trust what people say, that they hide their true emotions behind words. I see their body language, and I read that – just as he drew circles on his hands and covered his eyes while talking to me. He’s covering his feelings with humor. Just as I cover mine with cold dispassion.
We were open, honest tonight. He expressed his attraction. He promised to respect me. He doesn’t know what to expect from me. I know what to expect from him, and my inner self doesn’t believe that he can do it. He’s two years older now. I’ll give him a chance.
If only to feel his shoulders under my hands. Just once, Deus, just once.
Words: 237
Music: None
Comments: After every “session” Rose usually does a quick write-up on her computer, noting important things. Later she fills in the details. In her journal, she usually does the same thing, sometimes coming back to something days later after letting the moment process. Her journal is password protected with the words Rosso merlo – “red blackbird” in Italian.